Community Discussions

Just to show the ladies of the forum that I can take it as well as dish it!...........

Best Man Hating One Liners

Q: What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?

A. Shoot him again.

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Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?

A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

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Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.

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Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A1: One -- he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

A2: Three -- one to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

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Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

A: Trustworthy.

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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

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Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?

A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.

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Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

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Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

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Q: What is the difference between men and women?

A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals".

You're no longer allowed in the mens grill Emmo. Oh wait, is that a bad thing? 

Get out the smelling salts! Or at least give Emmo a whiff of Pri-G to bring him around to his senses!!

Emmo, what happened to you, man? Have you seen your doctor about that fever ?

Check your meds! Must be an interaction between a couple of them.

Snap out of it. I'll pray that you recover soon, pal.

Marshall and Highwind

You guys are welcome on my grill......you each wouldn't mind holding an apple in your mouth, would you?  And that stuff I'm spraying on you that smells like butter is actually mosquito spray, I swear!  BTW...do you guys know how to stop, drop and roll?  That piece of aluminum foil over that would the the perfect place for you guys to practice....you can see your reflection in there, just to be sure you are doing it right.  And don't worry about the heat...you'll get used to it, I promise...

Aaaahhh....nothing smells quite as good as roasting MC or CP....

Paula

Paula,

Nice of you to invite us to your roast. I suspect something amiss with that stop, drop, and roll. Besides aluminium is not my colour or style. That is just so out of date for a backyard bbq outfit.

And you know what, I bet that deep within that hard, tough exterior shell, there is a nice, sweet, little charming girl just dying to get out. Not unlike when you find a stray cat, that wants to trust but is so very cautious. Some food, gentle words, a lot of attention and affection, a bit of understanding and soon both will sit nicely in your lap and purr.

But just in case I'm wrong, I'm moving to the other side of the river temporarily, to that isolated shack in the Gatineau hills.

Highwind wrote:

Uhhhh...yeaaaah...ok...umm...sure.....(personally I would check out the Gatineau hils......but, that's just me......)

Highwind,

I don't know about that, She drove a motorcycle up a tree!

Walt

Walt wrote:
 WOMAN DRIVER!!! 

Highwind wrote:

Highwind,

She may have a soft side, I just haven't seen many women who drive motorcycles up trees that have soft sensitive sides.  Matter of fact, I haven't known any other women that drive motorcycles up trees, so I really don't know.

The wildest I ever got was to drive my 850 through a girls dormatory at a catholic girls college. ...Almost hit a nun or two, so I figured I should just honk and wave, rev the engine a couple of times, and head on out.

I have seen many women that put flower arrangements down garbage disposals before the delivery guy left the doorway.  Sometimes they would ask the guy to stay there for a minute just for the full effect.  Now some of those women had sensitive sides; they were just still angry.

That's all...

`Walt wrote:

OhBlowHardOne

You've now pulled some poor unsuspecting bystander (I'm really going out on a limb here Walt- which can be turned into a club at any point - and giving you the benefit of the doubt.) into your she-nanigans....but I know Walt will see the error of his ways (read:  realized I wasn't kidding about that silencer...) and turn his back on these childish ploys to taunt me into equally childish retaliation......and if that doesn't work, I am sure the police will believe me when I tell them I mistook you both for trees . 

And, dammit, I AM TOO SENSITIVE...                                                                                     

Paula

Thanks for the advice Walt. I'll be sure to never send Paula a flower arrangement. Looks like a cruel thing to do to harmless plants.

Poor delivery guy would probably walk away wearing it, unless he was lucky enough that she wasn't home, and he could leave it on her doorstep and run for safety.