DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MORON WHO?
Moved to the city because he heard the country was at war?
Cut off his fingers so he could play the piano by ear?
Pushed a cow off a cliff so he could hear the jersey bounce?
Took liquor to bed with him so he could sleep tight?
Ran around a wheaties box because it said "tear around here"?
Took a street car home but his mother made him take it back?
Went to the lumber yard to see what the board of education looked like?
Ran up the alphabet to "p"?
Went into the living room because he thought he was dying?
Turned off the lights in his car because someone told him he stripped his gears?
Was feeling so low he got his face slapped?
Saluted the refrigerator because someone said it was "General Electric"?
Took hay to bed with him to feed his nightmares?
Backed off a bus to keep a lady from grabbing his seat?
Cut off his arms so he could wear a sleeveless sweater?
Slept on his stomach to keep the Japs from seeing his Naval Base?
Jumped through a screen and strained himself?
Took a ruler to bed with him to see how long he slept?
Drank eight cokes and belched 7-Up?
Killed his Pa and Ma so he could go to the Orphan’s picnic?
Cut his nose off to see what made his nose run?
Put crackers in his shoes to feed his pigeon toes?
Cut a hole in the carpet to see the floor show?
Wanted to die with his boots on so he wouldn’t hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket?
Took his pregnant wife to the grocery store because he heard they had free delivery?
Thought a mushroom was a place to neck?
Thought the bed was so narrow he got a bedspread?
Pulled his teeth so he could chew gum?
Took his bicycle to bed so he wouldn’t walk in his sleep?
Poked his eyes out for a blind date?
Called his girl tapioca because he could make her in a minute?
Put his nose out the window so the wind could blow it?
Was a magician so he went around the corner and turned into a drug store?
Took the cap off his knee so he could see if there was any beer in the joint?
Went into the field and took off his clothes to shock the corn?
Wouldn’t take the girl out for a buggy ride because he heard that horses carried tales?
Who cut his fingers off so he could write short hand.
Was surprised to hear God’s last name wasn’t Damn?
Went to the florist to buy a defense plant?
Went to the tailor to make his epileptic fit?
Thought "No kidding" was a form of birth control?
Took a step ladder with him because he heard drinks were on the house?
Was so bashful that he had to go into the closet to change his mind?
Was sitting on a street corner with a piece of bread in his hand? He was waiting for a traffic jam to go by, when suddenly a car stopped and gave him a jar?
Took a bath in Toilet water and had her neck broken when the lid fell?
Thought he was born upside down because his nose ran and his feet smelled?