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MissSnowshoveler


If you don't have free speech, what do you have?

Location: NS
Joined: Feb 5, 2005
Points: 706

Daddy's 10 Rules of Dating
Original Message   Apr 5, 2005 7:33 pm
[Guys take note.]
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early"
Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka -- zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay.
Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.
Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless God of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the drive- ways you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car -- there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.


If you don't have free speech, what do you have?
Replies: 1 - 9 of 9View as Outline
Marshall


As Long As There Are Tests, There Will Be Prayer In Public Schools. ;- )

Joined: Sep 16, 2002
Points: 7730

Re: Daddy's 10 Rules of Dating
Reply #1   Apr 5, 2005 11:19 pm
Ok, who published my rules. 
ChrisS


Appreciate what you have already been blessed with.


Joined: Sep 16, 2002
Points: 2793

Re: Daddy's 10 Rules of Dating
Reply #2   Apr 6, 2005 1:45 am
LOL....

Someone has edited them a little but always a classic lol....

C

Honda 928TA, Ariens 924 STE, Toro single stage S-620, 95 Jeep Wrangler with a 6 foot Fisher Plow, many shovels, one 14 year old boy.  Craftsman 01 1000 LTX pimp Gold LT 20hp Briggs OHV V-twin.  Tough as it is ugly.
Emmo


Joined: May 22, 2003
Points: 1065

Re: Daddy's 10 Rules of Dating
Reply #3   Apr 6, 2005 7:17 am
MissSnowshoveler wrote:

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes to big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of you date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.


As the Dad to two young daughters, I'm going to have this made into a plaque and hang it in the entry-way to our home.

I plan on making one minor edit. I'll remove the word "don't" from the above rule.
mrmom


Joined: Sep 19, 2003
Points: 345

Re: Daddy's 10 Rules of Dating
Reply #4   Apr 6, 2005 12:02 pm
I should set this aside for when my daughter comes of age.
ChrisS


Appreciate what you have already been blessed with.


Joined: Sep 16, 2002
Points: 2793

Re: Daddy's 10 Rules of Dating
Reply #5   Apr 6, 2005 8:22 pm
So far my 16 year old has brought home only nice young men.  When she brings home the first mangy dog I am going to make sure he understands clearly rule #9.

C

Honda 928TA, Ariens 924 STE, Toro single stage S-620, 95 Jeep Wrangler with a 6 foot Fisher Plow, many shovels, one 14 year old boy.  Craftsman 01 1000 LTX pimp Gold LT 20hp Briggs OHV V-twin.  Tough as it is ugly.
Marshall


As Long As There Are Tests, There Will Be Prayer In Public Schools. ;- )

Joined: Sep 16, 2002
Points: 7730

Re: Daddy's 10 Rules of Dating
Reply #6   Apr 6, 2005 10:51 pm
ChrisS wrote:
So far my 16 year old has brought home only nice young men.  When she brings home the first mangy dog I am going to make sure he understands clearly rule #9.

C


We were nice young men too, Chris.
ChrisS


Appreciate what you have already been blessed with.


Joined: Sep 16, 2002
Points: 2793

Re: Daddy's 10 Rules of Dating
Reply #7   Apr 7, 2005 8:22 pm
LOL...Yes....I know.....

Hey I am not naive.  I at least want him to act and look like a gentleman lol.....

C

Honda 928TA, Ariens 924 STE, Toro single stage S-620, 95 Jeep Wrangler with a 6 foot Fisher Plow, many shovels, one 14 year old boy.  Craftsman 01 1000 LTX pimp Gold LT 20hp Briggs OHV V-twin.  Tough as it is ugly.
faithfulFrank


He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep
to gain what he cannot lose....


Location: Batavia, N.Y.
Joined: Jan 20, 2004
Points: 1067

Re: Daddy's 10 Rules of Dating
Reply #8   Apr 7, 2005 8:35 pm
Glad I got three BOYS.......

Frank D.

Ariens 1332DLE Pro, Exmark 52" HP ZTR, Gardian Generac generator, Shindiawa T230  Excell/Honda PW, Craftsman rototiller, Favorite IPE- My Mac + Ipod- No Windoze for me!
Highwind


Despite the high cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular.

Joined: Jan 13, 2004
Points: 985

Re: Daddy's 10 Rules of Dating
Reply #9   Apr 7, 2005 10:24 pm
And there are only two kinds of girls: nice girls and good girls.

Good girls go home and go to bed. Nice girls go to bed and then go home.

Honda stable: HS 724 snowblower;  HRS216 lawnmower; BF2 UWWW; 5 HP, 2200 psi/2.9 GPM pressure washer.

Electric: BV2500 B&D Leaf Hog/snow duster; old 12" Weedeater.

Replies: 1 - 9 of 9View as Outline
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