Community Discussions

Dear Sirs:

I just received your super-heated letter in regards to the bill I owe you. You said you thought the bill should have been paid a long time ago and you cannot understand why the bill hadn’t. Well I will enlighten you. In 1907 I bought a combine on credit, in 1908 an ox team, cart, two ponies, a shot gun a wine-tester, also a .55 colt revolver. I also bought a razor-backed hog all on that damn installment plan. In 1909 my father died and my brother was lynched for horse stealing; a railway man knocked my daughter up and I had to pay a doctor to keep the little bugger from becoming a relative. In 1910 my boy got the mumps and they went down on him and the doctor had to castrate him to save his life. Later I went fishing, the boat tipped over and I lost the biggest cat fish I ever saw and two of my boys were drowned and neither one of them was the one that was castrated. In 1915 my wife ran away with a fat man and left me a pair of twins. Then I married Sarah, here, the hired girl to cut down the expenses but I had some trouble to get her to "go off". I went to the doctor and he advised me to create some excitement about the time she was ready. I stuck the gun out the window and fired, the wife - she sh*t the bed, I ruptured myself and shot the best damn cow I ever had. In 1931 I was burned out and took to drinking until all I had left was a Waterbury watch and kidney trouble. For sometime all I did was wind the watch and pee. I decided to try again the next year so I bought a manure spreader, a tractor, and a threshing machine, all on credit. Then come a cyclone and blew everything into the next county. My wife caught the clap disease from a traveling salesman, my boy wiped his a$$ on a corn cob that had rat poison on it and some idiot denutted my bull.

Now at present, if it cost a nickel to sh*t I would have to vomit, yet you mean to cause me trouble. Trying to get money out of me would be like trying to poke butter up a wild cats a$$ with a shoe makers awl, but mister, you are welcome to try....