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Marshall


As Long As There Are Tests, There Will Be Prayer In Public Schools. ;- )

Joined: Sep 16, 2002
Points: 7730

Politics Personified
Original Message   May 26, 2005 11:53 pm
>>DEMOCRAT
>>
>>You have two cows.
>>Your neighbor has none.
>>You feel guilty for being successful.
>>Barbara Streisand sings for you.
>>
>>REPUBLICAN
>>
>>You have two cows.
>>Your neighbor has none.
>>So?
>>
>>SOCIALIST
>>
>>You have two cows.
>>The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
>>You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
>>
>>COMMUNIST
>>
>>You have two cows.
>>The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
>>You wait in line for hours to get it.
>>It is expensive and sour.
>>
>>CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
>>
>>You have two cows.
>>You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
>>
>>BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
>>
>>You have two cows.
>>Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one,
>>milk the other, and then pour the milk down the drain.
>>
>>AMERICAN CORPORATION
>>
>>You have two cows.
>>You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd
>>one.
>>You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
>>surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the
>>analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
>>Your stock goes up.
>>
>>FRENCH CORPORATION
>>
>>You have two cows.
>>You go on strike because you want three cows.
>>You go to lunch and drink wine.
>>Life is good.
>>
>>JAPANESE CORPORATION
>>
>>You have two cows.
>>You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
>>and produce twenty times the milk.
>>They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
>>Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
>>
>>GERMAN CORPORATION
>>
>>You have two cows.
>>You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
>>excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
>>Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
>>
>>ITALIAN CORPORATION
>>
>>You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
>>While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
>>You break for lunch.
>>Life is good.
>>
>>RUSSIAN CORPORATION
>>
>>You have two cows.
>>You have some vodka.
>>You count them and learn you have five cows.
>>You have some more vodka.
>>You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
>>The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really
>>have.
>>
>>TALIBAN CORPORATION
>>
>>You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
>>You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature' private
>>parts.
>>You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find
>>alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
>>
>>IRAQI CORPORATION
>>
>>You have two cows.
>>They go into hiding.
>>They send radio tapes of their mooing.
>>
>>POLISH CORPORATION
>>
>>You have two bulls.
>>Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
>>
>>BELGIAN CORPORATION
>>
>>You have one cow.
>>The cow is schizophrenic.
>>Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
>>The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
>>The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
>>The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
>>The cow dies happy.
>>
>>FLORIDA CORPORATION
>>
>>You have a black cow and a brown cow.
>>Everyone votes for the best looking one.
>>Some of the people who actually like the brown one best
>>accidentally vote for the black one.
>>Some people vote for both.
>>Some people vote for neither.
>>Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
>>Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you
>>think is the best-looking cow.
>>
>>CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
>>
>>You have millions of cows.
>>They make real California cheese.
>>Only five speak English.
>>Most are illegals.
>>Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
>>
>>Aerospace Corporation:
>>
The government asks you to submit a bid to provide cows. You
>>assemble an estimating team and after 6 months submit an estimate
>>that is unrealistically optimistic with regard to budget and
>>schedule, knowing that this is the only way to win the contract.
>>You win the job. Now you apply all sorts of unneeded and
>>unspecified quality and performance requirements. The program's
>>budget and schedule quickly gets in trouble, requiring people to
>>work nights and weekends. This tends to decrease productivity and
>>morale, resulting in mistakes being made and corners being cut, and
>>the program gets further behind and over-budget. The company
>>decides to kick in profit to finish the program in order to satisfy
>>the customer. Less profit means less available for technology
>>development and employee compensation. Future customers are now
>>aware that the company cannot provide cows for the estimated budget
>>and schedule and your new business declines. Massive layoffs are
>>necessary, so you go to work for McGuckins Hardware- life is good.
>
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